Mario Galaxy Movie Review

The Super Mario Galaxy Movie was ass.

The first movie was significantly better. Here’s why.

While watching the first movie, I could feel the thin vestiges of a story. Characters had mildly tangible story arcs. The plot served to showcase some semblance of character growth. If you think the first movie had nothing going for it, here’s a short recap.

Mario decides to quit his job and make his own plumbing business. He brings Luigi with him. His family, most importantly his dad, disapproves, specifically by saying, “I think you're nuts. You don't leave a steady job for some crazy dream. And the worst part? You're bringing your brother down with you.” Mario is visibly hurt and leaves the dinner table.

The plotline is now set for Mario to prove his father wrong. Mario must now show that he can handle what life throws at him. More importantly, Mario must show that he can and will protect his brother Luigi, especially if he’s the reason why Luigi is in trouble.

Mario leads Luigi to a broken pipe that needs fixing. They fall in and get transported. Luigi gets captured, and now Mario must face the music and prove that he can save his brother.

Mario faces plenty of obstacles that force him to doubt his capability and confront his father’s words. Later, Mario is joined by Donkey Kong who seems to also be having daddy issues. There’s a millisecond where they both bond over it. Then they go save the day, proving that they can face their mistakes and fears.

Is this masterful storytelling? Hell no. Does it at least establish some decent character motivations and help explain why characters make the decisions that they do? Yeah, mostly. It’s a hero’s journey that gets a grade of C minus.

I was able to enjoy the first movie because characters had motivations. I liked that the set pieces and references usually served to move the plot forward. I liked that the final act showed both Mario and Luigi ending their plotline through the strength of their brotherly bond. I liked that there wasn’t a single moment where I cringed, other than when the blue koopa yelled “BLUE SHELL!” That’s it. It was a decent movie. Not great, not bad. Just fine.

So what about the new movie…?

Why does Peach run off on her own to save Rosalina? I guess it’s because she’s feeling somewhat lost and wants to learn about herself and her past. That’s weak as hell, but hey, maybe it can work? Perhaps she finds out that her past is something that she’d rather not have known about and has to figure out how to cope with it moving forward. Or y’know… something actually slightly interesting? Nah. She just beats the bad guy, saves her sister, and prevents the universe from being taken over. She doesn’t overcome any obstacles she couldn’t previously. She doesn’t prove or disprove anyone or anything. Her character stays exactly the same as when the movie started. Nothing is gained or lost. Alright man.

Why is Bowser so nice to the brothers all of a sudden? Is it because he wants to team up with them for now in order to get closer to Peach? Nope. He just kinda vibes with them now thanks to Luigi’s book club. Alright I guess. But then what about when Bowser Jr is trying to get Mario and Peach killed. Does Bowser stop him? Yknow… Because Bowser is madly in love with Peach? No…? Oh… Ok I guess… Maybe he just knew Peach was too awesome and could easily escape?

Maybe something interesting could happen between Bowser and his son. Perhaps Bowser trying to show his son that his past teachings were wrong, and his son rejecting that and continuing down the evil path, and the gang having to eventually show him that people can change, grow, and learn? Nah. Bowser is evil again thanks to his son. Mario still ends up saving his son though! But I guess they are still evil, and also in jail. Ok cool.

Why does Fox say, out loud, that he loves doing barrel rolls? Why does the movie hardcore wojack point at the barrel roll references as if we’re infants that need keys to jingle in front of us or else we will shit ourselves and cry. Why couldn’t it have just been a quick, “doin’ a barrel roll, hold on tight.” kinda scene rather than a, “HOLY FUCK REMEMBER BARREL ROLLS!? OH MY GOD!!! FUCK YA MUDDA!! YEAAAAAAAAA!!!!”

WHAT DOES ROSALINA EVEN DO???

There isn’t even the faintest indication of character development, story, or plotline. Every scene serves only to lead to the next reference as soon as possible. Jingle some keys and move on to the next set of keys. The movie ends with no one learning anything or changing in any meaningful way. Nothing is proven or disproven. Not a damn thing mattered in the end. And no. You do NOT deserve to tease Daisy at the end like that, acting like you deserve it. After that performance? Hell no. Go fuck yourself movie.

I laughed really hard at the ROB bit though, and giggled at the absentee father lines.

I thought this was how the first movie would have been, but it actually had substance. Fuck me for having faith in the sequel.

- BabyWCC